Why Do I Miss My Ex? (Especially When They Were Toxic)
I used to hate myself for missing someone who hurt me.
I thought something was wrong with me—how could I still crave texts from someone who made me cry? Why did I check their Instagram like a ritual? Why did my body miss them, even when my mind knew better?
If you’re asking, “Why do I miss my ex?”—especially if the relationship was emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or even toxic—you’re not crazy. You’re not weak. You’re human.
And you’re not alone.
At Heal Your Heart Academy, we guide women through these painful emotional spirals every day. Missing your ex isn’t a sign that the relationship was right. It’s a sign that something inside you still needs healing—and this blog will walk you through exactly why that feeling lingers, and how to move forward with clarity, not shame.
First, Let’s Get Honest: Missing Someone Isn’t a Sign You Should Go Back
Let’s clear this up: you can miss someone and still be right for leaving them.
Missing your ex doesn’t mean:
- The relationship was good
- You made the wrong decision
- You’re supposed to go back
It means your body and brain haven’t caught up to your decision yet. And sometimes, it means you’re missing what you hoped they’d become—not who they actually were.
Why Do I Miss My Ex?
Here are the real reasons you’re still emotionally tied to your ex—even if they weren’t good for you.
1. You’re Addicted to the Emotional Highs and Lows
The inconsistency (hot-and-cold behavior, love bombing, silent treatment) activates your nervous system like a drug. Your brain releases dopamine during highs and stress hormones during lows, creating a trauma bond that feels eerily similar to love.
Related read: Am I Emotionally Unavailable?
2. You’re Mourning the Fantasy, Not the Reality
You’re not just grieving a person—you’re grieving the future you imagined, the version of them from the start, and the “what if” that never happened.
Related: What Is a Hopeless Romantic?
3. You Don’t Feel Whole on Your Own
This is even more common if you’ve experienced abandonment wounds or trauma in childhood.
4. They Gave You Just Enough to Stay Hooked
Your brain remembers the highs. Your heart forgets the pain.
5. You Were Trained to Equate Love With Suffering
You might subconsciously believe that love = sacrifice.
Listen: Breakup Healing Playlist
Why Do I Miss My Toxic Ex?
This is one of the most painful forms of grief. Because when someone is toxic:
- You feel guilty for missing them
- You don’t trust your own feelings
- You feel ashamed that you still care
Missing a toxic ex is often about unresolved inner trauma that seeks resolution through repetition.
5 Reasons You Might Still Miss a Toxic Ex
- You lacked closure
- You internalized the abuse
- You’re trauma bonded
- You’re addicted to the idea of fixing them
- You’re confusing pain with passion
What to Do When You Miss Them (But Know You Shouldn’t Go Back)
- Allow the Missing – Feel it without shame
- Journal the Reality – Not the fantasy
- Use Sensory Anchors – Songs, smells, grounding techniques
- Repeat the Mantra – “I miss the feeling, not the person.”
- Reparent Your Inner Longing – Nurture what was missing
You’re Not Weak for Missing Them. You’re Wounded—And That Can Heal.
Missing someone toxic doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means part of you is still hurting. Still craving. Still recovering.
💖 Ready to Stop Missing Them and Start Reclaiming You?
Work with April at Heal Your Heart Academy to:
- Break trauma bonds with toxic exes
- Build emotional resilience and clarity
- Reclaim self-worth after codependent patterns
- Finally move on—fully, completely, and peacefully
She’s not just a breakup recovery coach—she’s the healing coach online for women ready to stop spiraling and start becoming whole again.
👉 Book your healing session now
You’re not missing them—you’re missing a part of yourself that’s ready to come back home.
Let’s bring her back.
